Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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