he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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