im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
