I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
We need a shit load of segways right now
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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