i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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