apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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