Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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