why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I wish i was in the wii world.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
