No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
The power of my boobs compel you
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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