i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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