I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
