i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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