we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
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