I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
