Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize