Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
