Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
