so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
