my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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