Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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