last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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