Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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