I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
