Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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