I faked an abortion last night.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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