Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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