Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
