Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
