You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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