my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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