If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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