planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
