He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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