Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
