i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
