To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
