at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
