everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
