A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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