I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
