I have demons in me.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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