i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
