Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
