She's JV to your varsity
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
