I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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