I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
