dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize