Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
