Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
