I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
