they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
