That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
