saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
