My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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