Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
