Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize