I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
it's like heaven, but drunker
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
