Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
