so that wasnt chicken after all
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
