At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
