apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
