Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Randomize
