There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Randomize
