Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
