Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
