My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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