Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
