shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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