Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
