What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
