there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I wish you could order shots online.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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