Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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