You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize