The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
